He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
