Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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