having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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