My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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