1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
