Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
