i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
