Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
