Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you inspire me to be a worse person
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
