Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
