i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
40s are totally the cure
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
