my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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