Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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