I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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