i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
