Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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