Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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