In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
