Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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