The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
