She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
