i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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