Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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