I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
