when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
