i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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