He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
