I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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