Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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