Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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