She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have fence marks all over my body
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
