I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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