I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
