if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
