If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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