I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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