That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
