I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
