Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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