why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
