he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Alive.
So much puke
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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