Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
