I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
