the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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