lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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