And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
