if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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