True but thats because hes a fetus.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When did angry sex become our thing?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
