After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
