i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
