pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
