I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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