she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
