Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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